So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
