I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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