I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
