I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
