i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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