It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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