I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
