I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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