So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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