I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
