"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
