shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
