I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
