i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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