I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize