It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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