i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
