He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
