So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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