Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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