Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
