evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if only i could text you this smell
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
