There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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