You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
