It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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