All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
After last night, I could never be a politician.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
