This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
