I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize