I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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