If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
