I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
