i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
