Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
