How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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