just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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