I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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