Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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