hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
