I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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