i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
