well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize