I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
