i just had sex bonerless
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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