With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
