Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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