May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
