Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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