I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
