Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
