I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
