God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
