Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
3pm strippers are depressing
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize