Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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