just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
