Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I want a musical about memes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize