Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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