I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
