I wannas sexs uuuuu
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
