we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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