We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
