I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I could make wine with my vomit
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
