I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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