I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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