we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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