i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
