Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
