kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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