When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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