Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i believe in u and ur pee
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