I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
this hospital has no fireball
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
