the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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