Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
