Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
