It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
