He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
