Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
