ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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