So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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