I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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