i just had sex bonerless
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize