life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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