I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
