She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
