38 yer olds are good kisserssss
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
