If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My life is pants optional.
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