How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
