Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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