oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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