I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
