Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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