I can't watch pbs sober anymore
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
