a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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