two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize