I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
