In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize