Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
