What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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