I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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