I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
