I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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