Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
