Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
