Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
