Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
A+ Viking dick
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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