my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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