but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
