Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
