My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize