I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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