Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize