in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
