Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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