So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
