We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
