We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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